Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He better not be in your backpack
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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