we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
