singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
