dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
