glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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