So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize