I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
