he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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