omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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