she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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