Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
