I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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