FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
