I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
