I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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