i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
