Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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