Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
