I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
