after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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