New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
