if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
