If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
