I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
