My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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