so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
