There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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