I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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