So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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