She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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