thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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