Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize