i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
