...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
