I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
