Kiss
Puke
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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