we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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