remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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