In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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