Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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