Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
