Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
