absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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