i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
