why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize