After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
