I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My life is pants optional.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
