i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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