i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
