About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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