I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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