I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
