thus making me awesome and them whores
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
