You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
