they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
