We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
