I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
