went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
His nipple licking is glorious
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