Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
