does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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