Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
someone owes me an orgasm
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize