Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
