People in love make me want to vomit
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Randomize
