She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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