I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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