I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
