I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
