Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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