I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
