He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Even my vagina gasped.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
