one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Is it because I queefed?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
