So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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