if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
