Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
