what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize