Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
