just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
you're hired as official boob wrangler
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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