tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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