When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
