guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
