i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
