I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
