weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
