I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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