conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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