i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
