Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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