I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
