WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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