Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
