So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
