I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize