I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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